she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
