My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
