Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
