I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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