That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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