Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Randomize
