I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
