dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
