mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
