Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
