how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
