So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
