remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
