Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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