for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
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