i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize