i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Randomize
