My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Randomize
