These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize