and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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