He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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