"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
