I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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