It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
The Olympian is in my bed
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
