Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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