dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
