I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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