Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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