how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
