Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
