3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
