im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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