Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
