guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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