Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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