Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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