She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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