that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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