And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
