Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
