Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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