Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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