They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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