Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
