dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
