He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
