her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
