I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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