yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
