Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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