the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
Randomize
