M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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