That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
