you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
