Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Can I color on your dick again?
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
