New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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