people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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