i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
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