I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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